CINDERELLA’S RIDE

The old lady was holding a stick and she was pointing it right at me. I swear I had never seen this woman before in my life and I had absolutely no idea what she was doing with the stick. Most of the old ladies I had known up until this point would take one look at me, shriek and run away. A very few, the brave ones, would stand their ground and if something was throwable, pitch it my way.  The only reason I’m here to tell you this tale is that most old ladies throw like old ladies.

As it turns out, I should have been more worried about this old lady and her stick, because long story short, she zapped me and three of my buddies. And it was just like you see in the movies. A bright light, glitter in the air and a harp glissando. And no, my life did not flash before my eyes. Which, under the circumstances, would have been pretty easy, as I have spent my entire life as a field mouse and we don’t tend to live very long, though I do have a cousin who works in a lab who is incredibly old, like four.

But, where was I? Ohh, yeah. Getting zapped. Well let me tell you, getting zapped is no fucking fun. It may look cute in the movies but I’m here to tell you, in real life, some old lady with a stick in hand, can just about ruin your entire fucking day. Pardon my language, but I’m as vain as anyone and putting on a couple of thousand pounds instantaneously is tough to take.

Not that I have anything against horses, mind you and I have to admit, I was one real fine looking horse but when you get right down to it, I didn’t ask to become a horse. This crazy old lady with a stick just up and decides to make me a horse. Maybe if she would have asked nicely I would have been OK with the whole thing. “Listen, Mickey, I’m in kind of a jam here. I got this friend, Cinderella, who needs to go to a ball and seduce a prince and live happily ever after, but she needs a ride.”  But instead of asking nicely, I and my buddies, just get the stick.

And I can’t even tell you what she did to the pumpkin.

And it went all downhill from there. It turns out, there was a lot of fine print in the zapping. After hauling the little Princess all the way over to the palace, she takes her sweet time seducing the Prince, so we all end up zapping back to the way we were, miles from home. The pumpkin didn’t seem to mind, he  was after all,. nothing but a pumpkin but Princess was so pissed she threw her remaining glass slipper at me.

And I’m only here to tell you the tale because she threw like an old lady.